Unstick Yourself from Office Drama
Bitesized Blog:
Office drama can feel like being on an exhausting, demoralising, and distressing hamster wheel, that just doesn’t stop no matter how hard you run.
Moving off of the drama triangle, and on to the winners triangle is like stepping off of that hamster wheel. Giving you more choice, and helping you to find the people and environments that suit you better. Transforming how you feel at work, or helping you identify the right workplace for you.
You can use the drama triangle to spot when you or colleagues are in drama roles at work, and use the winners triangle instead to step out of those draining psychological games, and avoid workplace burnout.
Corresponding positions on the drama triange (black), and winners triangle (blue):
Drama is particularly impacting for neurodivergent people (e.g., ADHD, and Autistic), who are likely to be more susceptible to stress, overwhelm, and burnout at work.
Have a look at the full mealsized blog below, for more information, and “how to” examples of how you could do this.
Mealsized Blog:
About Drama Roles
Drama is common at work. These drama roles are common in repetative and predictable patterns of behaviour with unhelpful or harmful outcomes. Which are known as games in transactional analysis.
Whilst drama can harm, and impact how people feel, it’s quite common for people to just dip their toe into these roles. Because drama roles are defensive behaviours, learned as the best known way to solve problems.
Unsticking the Drama
You can unstick yourself by stepping off, and staying off, of the drama triangle, and moving on to the winners triangle:
If you find yourself in a drama role, you can move accross to the corresponding position on the winners triangle.
If you spot that a colleage might be on the drama triangle you can invite positive change.
1: Moving from the Drama Triangle, to the Winners Triangle
If you find yourself on the drama triangle, you can choose to move onto the winners triangle:
move from persecutor to assertive through assertiveness,
move from rescuer to caring by offering your share of support, within healthy boundaries,
move from victim to vulnerable by being active in problem solving and seeking the help that you need.
2: Inviting Positive Change from Others
If you spot that someone else might be on the drama triangle, you can invite positive change in others. By inviting the other person from the drama triangle onto the winner’s triangle.
Adapt these examples to suit you, and replacing [that] and [this] with whatever feels more clear or specific to you.
You can invite a Persecutor to be Assertive.
You could do that by being:
Caring: “Yes, I want to help with [that]. Can you tell me more about what you want?” Inviting them to be reflective, and clear in what they need from you.
Vulnerable: “Yes, I want to help with [that]. I’m not sure about [this] bit. Do you know who could help with [that]?” Responding, before sharing any issue or help that you need.
It helps to acknowledge the significance of what they say, and recognising any authority that they have. So they feel more recognised in their role.
You can invite a Rescuer to be Caring. For example, if a colleague is repeatedly interfering.
You could do that by being:
Assertive: “Yes, I would like to help with [that], is that Ok?” Or “[That] seems to be Ok now, I don’t think I need help with that.”
Vulnerable: “I can solve [this] myself.” Or, “How do you do [this]?” Also, unless you are the right person to solve the problem, you could ask “I would like help with [this], do you know who to ask for help?” If you need help, ask for what you need support with.
It helps to express a sense of value for any offer that is made, whether you choose to be helped or not. So they feel more supportive in their role.
You can invite a Victim to be Vulnerable. For example, if a colleague seems really distressed and stuck.
You can do that by being:
Assertive: “What are you able to do yourself?” Inviting problem-solving. Which can also be combined with…
Caring: “What help do you need to do [this]?” And, “Do you know who is best to ask for help with [thiat]?” Encouraging them to do what you can for yourself, and ask for the support they need from an appropriate person.
It helps to express a sense of encouragement and support. Resourcing them to do what they can and ask for what they need.
Limitations: What if This Doesn’t Work?
Like most useful things, they can be useful, and won’t always work.
This blog is meant to help you know how the drama triangle can be used to work out if you or someone else is in a drama role, and to offer you some resources to invite positive change. Moving onto the winners triangle is likely to improve your relationships, and reduce stress and burnout at work.
It just doesn’t work to force positive change. If you or colleagues are finding it difficult to move onto the winner’s triangle, a useful approach is to find a way to avoid escalation, like suggesting to talk more at a later time. Come back to the conversation when you are both available for it.
If a positive relationship or positve change is simply not available to you, then it makes sense to look elsewhere. Look for people in your workplace, or for a different workplace, where it feels comfortable being assertive, caring, and vulnerable.
